Rolanda Perkins

  When I was a little girl, I can remember the garden that my Grandfather grew in his backyard. It was a massive garden that had rows and rows of mostly vegetables and some fruit. He was the only gardener that I had ever encountered. When we visited our Grandparents, we always had fresh fruit & vegetables and a home cooked meal because my Grandmother was one of the best cooks that I had the pleasure of learning my culinary skills from. Of course, my Mother is the other.  😊   Thinking back on my Grandfather tending to his garden, I can now appreciate the importance of the steps he had to take for his garden to grow. He had to plant his seeds at the right time, cultivate the soil, fertilize the land… and whatever else he had to produce this bountiful harvest annually. He never rushed it… he always took his sweet time to nurture that garden and it never failed to reap great benefits for him,  and us as well because we were the beneficiaries of it . Gardening came so natural for him.

I realize that everybody,  including myself  has a  backstory . Initially we don’t always know everything about the people that we encounter in our lives. We learn about them the more that we interact with them. We don’t know the things that they’ve dealt with, growing up. We don’t always know what impacted their lives,  either positively or negatively . We don’t know the things that they might still be holding onto or the things that they’ve decided to let go of that helps them thrive in life.    There are times when we’re on the receiving end of those backstories and we benefit greatly from them. Then, there are those times when we wish they ( and their stories ) had never crossed our paths. 😂 I believe that our backstories provide a glimpse into who we are today and why we think and act as we do. I also believe that sometimes we’re smart enough to use those backstories to help encourage ourselves to continue striving to be the best that we can be. Or, we’ll allow them to discourage

Have you ever heard the saying, “ Tell the truth and shame the devil ”! LOL! Well, here’s one of my truths:  I’ve struggled with being in a negative relationship for years . It’s true! What’s comforting for me though, is knowing that I’m not the only person who’s experienced this before. I truly understand the struggle of trying to break away from something that’s so familiar, yet, also not good for me at the same time. I would tell myself a thousand times over that  I’m going to do this …  I’m going to break away and make this happen .    I would then find myself falling right back into the hands of  complacency . Why was I doing that? Why did it seem so hard? I believe it’s because deep down I knew the first thing I really needed to work on to move past this situation, was the way that I thought about it. I had to ask myself a few questions like:  Do I really want to experience being in a healthy relationship…   What would that even feel like ….  How important is it for me to do this

Have you ever had someone tell you that you were, “ less than ”? Maybe not in those exact words, but in words that were not meant to ‘ build you up’ ? I experienced this as a teenager. Perhaps what they said was out of jealousy,  I don’t know . However, I wondered, “ what the heck did they have to be jealous about ”?? As I got older, I realized what it was. They felt that I should not have received the recognition that I received at the time.    Thinking back on those words, I can remember how cruel teenagers were… even when they were supposed to be your friends. They most definitely didn’t realize how their words could affect others. Heck, I didn’t realize it at that time either but I allowed those words to dictate decisions that I made in my adult life. There were times when I found myself shrinking back and avoiding certain situations because I felt that maybe I didn’t deserve it or maybe I didn’t earn the right to do … whatever .    I now  believe 100%  that I deserve all the goodn